You meet plenty of people. But how many relationships are you actually building?
As I shared in my previous article, when I graduated from college, I came to an uncomfortable realization. I knew a lot of people, but I hadn’t invested nearly enough in building relationships with them.
There were people I’d met at conferences, worked alongside, spoken to at events, and crossed paths with throughout college. But when I started thinking about who I could call, who I could ask for advice, or who I had genuinely kept in touch with, I realized there was a difference between knowing people and having relationships.
That realization changed the way I approached networking. And looking back, one experience in particular showed me just how much that change mattered.
Being Professional Doesn’t Mean Being Someone Else
For a long time, I was very conscious of how people perceived me. I cared about how I presented myself, what I said, how I sounded, and whether I was making the right impression.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Professionalism matters, especially when you’re representing yourself in environments where people are evaluating your character and capabilities. But there’s a difference between being professional and being so concerned about appearing professional that you stop being yourself.
I used to carry a filter into certain conversations. I was still myself, but I was constantly thinking about how I might come across.
Eventually, I started letting that go. I became more comfortable being honest about what I thought, talking about things I actually cared about, laughing when something was funny, and admitting when I didn’t know something.
I stopped trying so hard to create the perfect impression. And something interesting happened: connecting with people became easier.
Conversations started feeling like actual conversations instead of interviews. People got to know me beyond my résumé, my accomplishments, or whatever professional title I happened to hold.
I was still professional. I was simply more genuine.
And that made a difference.
A Conversation in Kansas City
During my first year as president of my university’s NSBE chapter, I helped take our chapter to a convention in Kansas City.
It was a big experience for me. I’d never even been to Kansas City before. We organized a charter bus, traveled together, and attended an event filled with companies, recruiters, students, and opportunities.
At the time, I was looking for my next opportunity.
A friend of mine had previously interned with a company attending the convention. She told me she’d put in a good word for me with someone at the company and encouraged me to visit its booth and speak with him.
I hadn’t asked her to do that.
That’s worth mentioning because it demonstrates something important about relationships before I even get to my own conversation. She didn’t have to advocate for me. She did it because we’d already built a relationship.
So I went over to the booth.
I started talking with the gentleman she recommended. We discussed my background, what I wanted to do, why I was interested in engineering, and where I hoped my career would take me.
I wasn’t delivering some carefully memorized networking pitch. I was having a genuine conversation. I answered his questions, explained what mattered to me, and spoke openly about my goals.
What I didn’t realize at first was that he helped lead the very rotational engineering program I would eventually join. During our conversation, he told me about the program and his involvement with it.
There was just one problem.
I still had another year of school.
The opportunity was for a full-time position, and I wasn’t ready to accept one. So I continued my education, eventually pursued another internship, and moved forward.
But I didn’t forget that conversation. And more importantly, I didn’t let the relationship end there.
The Second Year Was Different
The following year, I returned to the convention. This time, my situation was different.
I didn’t have a job lined up.
The uncertainty was real. Graduation was getting closer, and I needed to figure out what came next.
Naturally, I returned to the company’s booth. I’d kept in touch with the people I’d met, and I was hopeful that the rotational program might be an option now that the timing was right.
But when I spoke with them, I learned something disappointing.
There weren’t any open positions for that program.
Think about that for a moment.
The first year, the opportunity existed, but I couldn’t take it.
The second year, I was ready for the opportunity, but it didn’t exist.
I had done what people tell you to do. I’d gone to the convention, introduced myself, made a good impression, and maintained the relationship. And I still didn’t have a job.
That’s an uncomfortable position to be in, especially when you’re trying to plan your future. It would’ve been easy to conclude that the connection hadn’t led anywhere.
But I didn’t see the relationship as something that had become worthless just because there wasn’t an immediate opening.
So I waited. And I kept in touch.
Some Opportunities Take Time
Eventually, another cohort opened. This time, I was in a position to pursue it.
I interviewed again, accepted the opportunity, and joined the rotational engineering program. A conversation that started at a convention in Kansas City had become part of the path to my full-time career.
But it didn’t happen immediately.
It didn’t happen the first time I met him. It didn’t even happen when I returned the following year, ready to accept a position. It happened after I’d continued building the relationship, despite not knowing exactly when—or whether—an opportunity would become available.
And I think that’s the part of networking we don’t talk about enough.
We often approach networking as though every interaction should produce something. A referral. A job. A customer. An introduction. An opportunity.
We meet someone, exchange contact information, and quietly wonder what might come from it. But relationships don’t always operate on our timelines.
Sometimes the person you meet today won’t be in a position to help you tomorrow. Sometimes you won’t be in a position to take advantage of an opportunity when it appears. And sometimes neither of you knows what the relationship might eventually become.
That doesn’t make the relationship any less valuable.
What This Experience Taught Me
Looking back, there are three lessons I carry with me.
1. Be yourself, even in professional environments.
You don’t need to abandon professionalism to be genuine. You can take your work seriously, communicate respectfully, and represent yourself well while still allowing people to see your personality.
Talk about what matters to you. Ask questions you’re genuinely curious about. Be honest about your interests, experiences, and goals.
You don’t have to turn every conversation into a performance. People have a much better opportunity to connect with you when they can actually get to know you.
2. Invest in people before you need something.
One of the most meaningful parts of my Kansas City experience happened before I even walked up to the booth. My friend had already recommended me.
She didn’t have to do that. That was the result of a relationship that existed before I needed an opportunity.
I’ve learned to be more intentional about checking in with people, making time for conversations, setting up meetings, and maintaining connections.
Not every conversation needs an agenda. Sometimes it’s enough to ask how someone is doing, learn what they’re working on, or share something that might be helpful to them.
Relationships become stronger when they aren’t built entirely around what someone can do for you.
3. Don’t mistake a closed door for a wasted relationship.
This might be the biggest lesson of all.
When I returned to that convention and learned there were no openings, I could’ve stopped communicating. I could’ve decided that the relationship wasn’t useful anymore.
But I would’ve been treating the person as an opportunity rather than as someone I’d taken the time to know.
Instead, I remained connected.
That didn’t guarantee me a job. I still had to wait for an opening, interview, and earn the position. But maintaining the relationship meant that when another opportunity came around, the connection we’d built hadn’t disappeared.
Sometimes a closed door simply means the timing isn’t right. And sometimes the best thing you can do is continue showing up, keep building, and remain prepared.
You Never Know
I think about how easily that entire experience could’ve unfolded differently.
- What if my friend hadn’t recommended me?
- What if I’d approached the booth with a rehearsed pitch instead of having a genuine conversation?
- What if I’d never followed up?
- What if I’d stopped communicating after learning there were no positions available?
I can’t say for certain what would’ve happened. But I do know that the relationships I built helped create opportunities I couldn’t have predicted when those conversations first began.
And that lesson extends well beyond finding a job. It applies to entrepreneurship, leadership, mentorship, friendships, and nearly every area of life where people matter.
You don’t always know who you’re talking to.
You don’t know where someone will be five years from now, what they’ll accomplish, who they’ll meet, or how your paths might cross again. And they don’t know those things about you, either.
So don’t build relationships only with people you think can do something for you.
Be genuine. Take an interest in others. Follow up. Keep your word. Make time for people. And remember that some of the most meaningful relationships in your life may begin as ordinary conversations.
You meet plenty of people. The question is whether you’re taking the time to build relationships with them.
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